I faked an abortion last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
