Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
