whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
