i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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