Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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