I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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