My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
