she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
