Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
