Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
