forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just crazy horny about you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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