Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
