puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
