Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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