Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
