please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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