Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
