Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
