Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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