If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
