hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
