There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
why is half of my head shaved?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
