I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just tell him i said nine months
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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