he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
