Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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