I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
