You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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