idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
