found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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