I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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