Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
