covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
