Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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