We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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