found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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