Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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