Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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