It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
