Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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