I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
