phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
