If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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