Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
