I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
