i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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