Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
