3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
