We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
