You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
