i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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