You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
