The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
