I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
