There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
