Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
